I think of my friend. Undoubtedly she is looking at old pictures, remembering, remembering,  yet knowing he won’t be coming back.

I’ve heard these stories time and time again and always wondered how families and parents survived. Maybe they haven’t….and I don’t think this one will either. Stephan is gone. Any of us would give anything to not make this so. Yes, it happens every day, but when it’s your best friend, you feel utterly helpless. I want to be there to cure her pain but I know that it’s impossible to do that.

I have to accept that my friend will never be the same. My heart breaks for her.  Her pain is something I cannot touch. Her pain is something I would give anything to take away. Her pain, and that of her family is something that no one can comprehend unless they’ve been there. I don’t think that even hoping that he “rests in peace” can cure their broken hearts.

She cries and so does her daughter, their world has been torn apart. Just like that.

The launch is on Friday night at the Royal Ontario Museum which will give us an opportunity to see the latest exhibits.  Some of my favorite not to be missed spots are:

Elgin Theatre Toronto and Winter Garden Theatre

This building opened in 1913 and was originally built as the pantomime and movie theatre Loew’s.  The two theatres are the last surviving Edwardian stacked theatres in the world.  Of the two the upper Winter Garden is my favourite – it has real preserved leaves and branches hanging from the ceiling and is intended to resemble a garden at night.  Coloured glass lanterns hang from above and the hand-painted screen boasts a luscious landscape designed to induce dreams.  The Winter Theatre was mothballed in 1928 and didn’t open again to the public 1985 after a restoration that took two and a half years.

Centre for Addiction and Mental Health Historic Walls

The southern brick face of the CAMH was built by unpaid asylum patient labourers from the then Provincial Lunatic Asylum in 1860.  The barriers surrounded 50 acres of the asylum.  In 2007 restoration work was started by CAMH clients who were employed but this time paid!  Sounds like an M. Night Shyamalan film!

Todmorden Mills

The history of Todmorden is closely tied to that of the Don River and the Valley.  Although the buildings survived the construction of the DVP, the river was moved away from the site and the mill building seems strangely landlocked.  If you follow the road back to the parking lot, you’ll cross a bridge that goes over what used to be the Don River.  The site is also home to the lone remaining station from the Belt Line Railway, transplanted from Queen Street a few kilometres south.

I’ll also be checking out:

Kadampa Meditation Centre Canada, Riwoche Tibetan Buddhist Temple of Toronto and the Toronto Necropolis and Crematorium.

If you are interested here is the link, enjoy!!!    http://wx.toronto.ca/inter/culture/doorsopen2011.nsf/BuildingsAll?OpenView

I am a relative newcomer to Buddhism, I’ll become an “official” Buddhist soon when I take Refuge (the precepts), although I have been practicing intermittently for the last two or three years.  When I was growing up, I spent a good deal of my time reading about the occult, witchcraft and magic. I always harboured the dream that someday I would be initiated into a coven of Witches.  Over the years I have “shopped around” various religions and philosophies – always seeking, always asking questions, always seeking serenity but never quite getting it. 

I was taught from my early Christian upbringing that I was spiritually flawed from creation because my ancestors, Adam and Eve made a mistake and broke a regulation thousands of years ago. I never understood why I should have to bear the karma for their mistake. Buddhism tells me that there is a perfect, awakened being inside all of us. We do not need to strive and struggle under the feeling of being rotten at the core, at having ‘original sin.’ We just need to learn how to get in touch with the Buddha within us.

Buddhism appeals to my reason. If I have ever felt it asking me to have faith, I would be a Buddhist no longer. Like the Buddha himself said, “…that we must not believe in a thing said merely because it is said; nor traditions because they have been handed down from antiquity; nor rumors, as such; nor writings by sages, because sages wrote them; nor fancies that we may suspect to have been inspired in us by a Deva (that is, in presumed spiritual inspiration); nor from inferences drawn from some haphazard assumption we may have made; nor because of what seems an analogical necessity; nor on the mere authority of our teachers or masters. But we are to believe when the writing, doctrine, or saying is corroborated by our own reason and consciousness. “

Buddhism came upon me like a flash. I discovered, really found it, and ‘got’ it quickly. There are many approaches to the Dhamma, but there is only one Dhamma. I have enjoyed seeing all the different ways people over the millennia and people all over the internet have applied Buddhism. It is an action, not a belief system. It is what we do in life, not what we think about life. It is a strategy, not a matter of faith and ritual. And the meditation is very calming and centering…it opens my eyes to what is there and what isn’t there, in me and outside me.

I often crave self-control. In the past I have considered myself a weak personality, lazy and essentially powerless to change those things about myself that I dislike. The mind training of Buddhism lets me know that my feelings are empty of any inherent existence, and that the real issue is how I “think” about myself. If I believe myself incapable of change, I am incapable of change. If I change my mind, purify it of its negative karma and introduce the idea of capability, then I am on the road to healing myself of my own self-imposed paralysis.

I am a Buddhist. I am surprised that I would ever call myself that, but now I see that I can’t call myself anything else.

Buddhism for me is about understanding that change is the only constant. It is about self-discipline, and is the answer to my somewhat flawed lifestyle — my quick tongue, my horribly cluttered mind, my relationships with my friends, my family, and myself. I have found greater calm, comfort, and confidence in myself through my explorations of Buddhism and myself than I ever experienced. I have come home to Buddhism, and come home to myself.

The first place I will be heading to is the Ten Thousand Buddhas Sarira Stupa on River Road, just by the Whirlpool Bridge in Niagara Falls.   Within the first floor there is a seven ton statue of Buddha made of green bronze and on the other 6 floors there are a total of 9,999 mini Buddhas.  The stupa houses sacred relics, a library, Buddhist artifacts and paintings.  On the seventh floor is the huge Grand Bell of World Peace. It has only been rung once. On that occasion, the vibration shattered all the windows on that level!

My next stop is the Ratchadham Viriyaram Buddhist Temple for the afternoon mediation session.  I’ve been told that a huge piece of jade – 16 tons was found by a Buddhist monk.  He named it A Rock from Heaven and made arrangements to have it moved here in 1996.

Here’s to new findings in Niagara!

What can happen when on retreat?

Physical pain comes up, knee pain, back pain, shoulder aches, that perhaps you never noticed before.  You start to worry, panic even, “this will never go away – I won’t be able to meditate how awful.” “This meditation is causing my pain…”

We get calmer…pain may subside, often suddenly just lifts or becomes less strong.

Mental or emotional pain comes up – memories of past hurts, incidents.

Deeper awareness of what the mind does develops.  And it can be a shocker!  Things like constant planning, worrying, looking back to memories and replaying them.  As we sit calmly with whatever comes up…we start to develop insight into our minds, neurosis, blocks and weaknesses.

Since the major instruction is to be present, be aware of each moment the above patterns are very annoying. We try hard to not get lost in the “stories, worries, planning” in our heads, it feels like a battle.

The mind starts to calm down because of the training, quiet, the slow deliberate way we are moving and no outside distractions to engage it.

Perhaps the insights about our life and life in general start to really become apparent and tolerable, even OK

Maybe even calmer, mental clarity, deep peace….

And the cycle may begin again from start or anywhere on the list and then continue to develop. Each retreat is different; as you are different…new issues come up, new awareness.

Shambhala is a union of the Kagyu and Nyingma lineages of Tibetan Buddhism with the Shambhala teachings introduced by Chögyam Trungpa in the 1970s, based on the warrior tradition of Tibet’s legendary king Gesar.  Shambala attempts to create a “secular” tradition, incorporating Tibetan Buddhist practices and values without using Buddhist deities or religious structures. So the teachings focus on values of compassion, gentleness, openness, appreciation, living in the present moment and seeing whatever arises as material for growth and practice.

I’ve been reading When Things Fall Apart by the Buddhist nun Pema Chodron. I think you’d like the chapter called “Hopelessness and Death”. In Buddhism hopelessness is very important; it includes acceptance of futility and meaninglessness; working with things as they are rather than expecting things to change; giving up the hope of an escape from working with life as it is. It reminds me of Kierkegaard’s belief that only after accepting the absolute futility of life can one learn to love God and become an individual.

Pema carries this a step further and relates hopelessness to non-theism. She says:

“The difference between theism and non-theism is not whether one does or does not believe in God. It is an issue that applies to everyone, including Buddhists and non- Buddhists. Theism is a deep-seated conviction that there’s some hand to hold: if we just do the right things, someone will appreciate us and take care of us…From this point of view, theism is an addiction. We’re all addicted to hope… Non-theism is relaxing with the ambiguity and uncertainty of the present moment without reaching for anything to protect ourselves…In a non-theistic state of mind, abandoning hope is an affirmation, the beginning of the beginning.”

This really hit home with me. I’ve often joked with Buddhist friends that the reason I have trouble working in my office job is that I haven’t completely given up hope yet; but the joke is true and serious. The hope that if I behave a certain way or work a little bit harder, things will change and somehow will get better has to do with my own remnant of theism, my sense that things ought to somehow “work out”.

My meditation has good and bad days. I’ve come to see what a relief it is to let go of an obsessive thought pattern and relax into my out breath for a moment, like slipping into a warm scented bath after a long day. So why do I jump out of the bath scarcely a minute later, racing after some new imaginary problem? My mind is like a child who is tired but refuses to go to sleep. But this, too, this exasperation with my “monkey mind”, is something that I learn to accept, forgive, and let go.

If you would like to know more about Shambhala – http://www.shambhala.org/shambhala-training.php

There will be a smorgasbord of tasty tidbits to enjoy;  we all enjoy cooking so you never know what will appear, the band will be playing upstairs, a hike is planned up to the southern corner, C will be bringing some ATV’s over, and all the four legged friends have also been invited.

We will also have a spring cleansing and blessing.  If you’ve never done this before – here you go!  Enjoy.

Once your house is clean — and this assumes you did the kitchen as well — it’s time to have some fun. Call up some friends and invite them over for a potluck. Cook up some -themed comfort foods and have a small potluck celebration. Ask each guest to bring a small token to bless your house — pebbles, shells, interesting bits of wood, beads, etc.

You’ll also need the following:

A bowl of water

Some sea salt

A smudging bundle of sage or sweetgrass

A blue candle

Some Blessing Oil

A bowl or bag

1. Begin at the front door — it is, after all, where you welcome guests into your home — and go through the house in a sunwise direction (clockwise). Ask your guests to help you by smudging the perimeter of each room with the salt, sage, candle flame and water. You may wish to say some sort of incantation as they do this, something like:

With the purifying power of water,
with the clean breath of air,
with the passionate heat of fire,
with the grounding energy of earth
we cleanse this space.

1. As you pass from room to room, anoint each door and windowsill with the Blessing Oil by tracing the shape of a pentagram or other symbol of your tradition. This prevents anything negative from crossing into the home. If you like, you can offer a small incantation as you do this, something like:

May the goddess bless this home,
making it sacred and pure,
so that nothing but love and joy
shall enter through this door.

1. Finally, once you’ve gone through the house, ask each of your guests to deposit their blessing token in your bowl or bag. Keep it in a place of honor in your home — on the mantel or in your kitchen is a good idea. Gather around the dinner table, break out the goodies, and enjoy a feast with your friends and family!

Tips:

1. If you don’t have Blessing Oil, you can use rosemary oil instead. Make your own by infusing fresh rosemary in grapeseed or flaxseed oil.

What You Need:

• Some sea salt
• Smudging material such as sage or sweetgrass
• A blue candle, for purification
• A bowl of water
• An empty bowl or bag
• Blessing Oil

Over the years I have spent a great deal of time learning, understanding and forgiving others and also myself and standing in a place of gratitude. While I sat beside you Dad I understood that your only desire, all your life had been to feel loved.  I know that you did.

What a gift life is. It has given me the opportunity to love you and understand you. Life is too short to waste precious moments judging others and closing our hearts to the love that always surrounds us. As they say, we have two choices love or fear and only the love is real.

Your passing has brought David, Michael, Kathy and I even closer and I know that you would have liked that.  I love you Dad – smooth sailing!

It has become clear to me that staying in touch with friends is important to me.  Since moving out here I’ve lost touch with some great people.  So, this weekend I decided to do something about it.  Early Saturday I headed to the St. Lawrence Market.  I love going there and often find myself eating my way thru the entire building – starting off with a huge sandwich from Carousel.  Even found some French butter for C!   Many years ago this was “my neighbourhood” and I found myself bombarded with memories – all good ones!  I was able to smile and laugh when I saw familiar stores and places in the area.  I left feeling full – both physically and spiritually.I dropped in at a friend’s art gallery and spent two great hours yakking about people and places that we have known.  We left with a promise to stay in touch and not let this much time pass again.  I then picked up Irene and we spent two great days together.  We haven’t seen each other since last year – we have been friends for over 33 years!

When I got home we spoke about so many things – 33 years of memories take up hours!  We spoke about the emails and calls that I have received over the past two weeks some were even from friends that I worked with during my “banking” days.

Reading them left me feeling content and joyful.  I’m not sure what it is; maybe it’s the renewed feeling of connectedness; the joy of being around people that know where you’ve come from and also probably a little bit of letting go of the “I wish I had” guilt about staying in touch.   I’m so very happy that this has happened.

Don’t wait for your horoscope to predict the arrival of a visitor from your past, pick up the phone and call them.  Namaste

The ancient Egyptians believed that when you arrived in heaven after your death, you were asked two questions. Your answers to these two questions determined whether you were to enter heaven or not. The first question was, “Have you found joy in your life?” and the second question was, “Have you brought joy to others?”

In the teaching of the Buddha, all of us will pass away eventually as a part in the natural process of birth, old-age and death and that we should always keep in mind the impermanence of life.  The life that we all cherish and wish to hold on.

In Buddhism, however, death is not the end of life, it is merely the end of the body we inhabit in this life, but our spirit will still remain and seek out through the need of attachment, attachment to a new body and new life. Where they will be born is a result of the past and the accumulation of positive and negative action, and the resultant karma (cause and effect) is a result of one’s past actions.

This would lead to the person to be reborn in one of 6 realms which are; heaven, human beings, Asura, hungry ghost, animal and hell.  Realms, according to the severity of ones karmic actions, Buddhists believe however, none of these places are permanent and one does not remain in any place indefinitely. So we can say that in Buddhism, life does not end, merely goes on in other forms that are the result of accumulated karma. Buddhism is a belief that emphasizes the impermanence of lives, including all those beyond the present life.  With this in mind we should not fear death as it will lead to rebirth.

The fear of death stemmed from the fear of cease to be existent and losing one’s identity and foothold in the world.  We see our death coming long before its arrival; we notice impermanence in the changes we see around us and to us in the arrival of aging and the suffering due to losing our youth.  Once we were strong and beautiful and as we age, as we approach our final moments of life we realize how fleeting such a comfortable place actually was.

Regardless of your religious beliefs and even in the absence of any spiritual connection or association I believe each one us has the responsibility of leaving this world in a little better condition than how we found it.

Brother looking after brother and sister looking after sister helps to ease the pain, suffering, oppression and disappointment we experience. To continue to live, exist and survive in this world, and in the next world, humans need one another.  It is ironic and perhaps contradictory, that our true purpose in life is to help one another recover from the sins we commit or the sins committed against us.

There are many places we can look to find the code, the answers, we need when it’s time to pass from this life to the other. However, as complex as life gets at times, the best answers can also be the least complicated.

The following reminders provide a blueprint for this simplification and help me to paint some context for how I want to live to prepare myself to leave the world a little better:

• Share
  Yes, share the cookies and the toys, but also share your experiences, your fears, your accomplishments your love and your heart. Others will benefit from what you have learned.
• Play Fair
  Remain honest and tell the truth. Seek opportunities for mutual gain with the people in your life. Lift others up and be mindful of their needs as well as your own.
• Don’t Hit
  Violence and aggression are only temporary measures to get someone’s attention and obedience. True and lasting respect is earned by listening and responding appropriately. None of us have the right to force our will upon someone else’s.
• Care More
  Respect what belongs to others. Care for the things you have in your life and watch them continue to grow and flourish.
• Make Your Own Bed
  Take 100% responsibility for your actions. We are responsible for the decisions we make and we are accountable to our family and friends for our words and deeds.
• Show Respect
  Honor the boundaries set by others.  Allow love to happen naturally. If it goes away, don’t grasp it so tightly you damage or kill its spirit or potential to love again.
• Say You’re Sorry
  Be humble and show regret when appropriate. Ask for forgiveness and allow your soul to be cleansed by the healing it offers.
• Allow Self-Care
  Take good care of yourself. Fill yourself up with what gives you the most energy and the most passion. Self-care is just as important as caring for everyone else in your life – you are just as worthy to receive the warmth it provides.
• Live a Balanced Life
  Work hard and play hard too. Follow your heart’s desire while you provide the basic necessities.
• Stick Together
  Life is meant to be shared. You have the responsibility to watch over others and to help keep them warm and safe. The human bond, the human connection, requires this from us.

Like everyone else, I not sure how much time I have left. Rather than living with fear or regret, I choose to embrace each day and live each day to its fullest the best that I can. I try each day to be positive and compassionate and also be aware of the impermanence of life.

Life does continue for all of us; we just have to remember to take care of each other along the way.